Music is my therapy.

Lyrics can tear you apart and then heal you. Growing up music and reading were the only two forms of entertainment that didn’t cost much, if anything. Often, we did not have a TV, or we were staying with someone, so if there was a TV it was theirs. I would read whatever books I could find and I would listen to the radio. As I got older, I realized that you could record on to a cassette tape. Growing up poor, your technology is always a few years behind. You get electronics no one wants anymore. Eventually the internet and music collided. Making mixed CD’s with Limewire. Picking out the perfect song to showcase on your Myspace.

No matter how or where I listened to it, it helped me escape.

It still does. Slipping those air pods into my ears drowning out the world getting ready to write. Pouring out my heart on to this piece of writing, the way the musician in my ears is pouring out his.

After my divorce to Standish the 4 of us moved into a tiny run down apartment. When my oldest saw it he cried saying he couldn’t live there. I sure as heck didn’t want to live there either but it was only 20 minutes out of the school district and on budget. Those days were unimaginably tough. 2 hour commutes each way, If I was a stronger woman at the time, I could have saved myself a few extra minutes if I wanted to drive right by Standish’s house. The house I spent years turning into a home.Most days none of us where strong enough for that.

We spent a lot of time in that minivan listening to music.

Some days a song will still hit me, reminding me of a bit of life that still has reaction to a melody. A lyric that seems to be written just for me. Knowing that at least one other person felt the way I did has a calming effect. Is there anything a long car ride and a good cry can’t fix? Have you ever screamed lyrics into an empty car just to get the pain out? If not, I highly recommend it.

The passion musicians play with is incredible.

I wanted to have a music tie into the book and to everything I do in this digital world, like it does in my everyday life. That’s why I make the mix tapes. That’s why I post lyrics.

If you have any song recommendations, PLEASE DM me on whatever platform you found me on. I always need new jams.

This post made me realize how amazingly strong my children are. So this mix tape is dedicated to them.

Thank you for being my children & my biggest supporters.

I am so proud of the humans you are becoming despite all the shit you have gone through.